Well, today was a little better than yesterday- i actually have some ideas in my head that i halfway followed through on, or at least put them on the to do list in my head.  I gave my mom some advice yesterday that i really should use myself. She has alot to do before we go to the beach every year and she is sick at the moment so she feels overwhelmed. I told her to pick one or two important things she must do and only focus on them because if she worries about it all now she wont do anything. Trust me, it sucks but i know the drill.  Its so sad because we have the ability, the means etc its just an anxiety type issue. It becomes one.  I do have a few things to do that i HAVE to. They are the only things that are so important that they may get me out of the trouble im facing( financial issues). 
I have a few jobs lined up and i have to apply for them asap, i also found a website with hidden home listings for people like me. Single income , well unemployed at the moment, fair credit, etc.  Some are rent to own, some are no down payment , etc  and they are comparable to where im living now. Im just beginning to hate it here. Its a luxury apartment complex and that is a joke. They are re-doing all the apartments but only as people move out, new appliances, cabinets, flooring etc. They will be the luxury of the times. So, of course people like me who have been good tenants and been here 5 years dont get shit. In fact, when you are 2 days late with rent, its about 200 extra. But my air has been half assed the past month, we had a flood from the 3rd floor to me on the ground floor about 3 months ago and they havent fixed it, painted etc anything. So im getting shit on and ive been a very good tenant. Its pissing me off and i can get so much more for the high rent im paying. So i found these hidden listings, called the agent and she returned my call, i missed it so i have to call her, quick tho bc my lease runs out in 1-2 months here. So these things are of dire urgency and i need to just DO IT . I';ll be so proud of myself when i do. I need to stay positive about this. 
IN other parts of my life, family and relationship wise, im not really happy either. Im not going in to it now but i get criticized by everyone in my life, they make me feel like shit and ive been raising my 2 boys alone since Mike died. Im taking care of 2 other people and a baby at the moment too. So i dont want to hear anything from anyone until they walk in my shoes and i dont recommend it, its not so pretty.I dont start crying about that shit anymore. I know what i do and how but its just very disrespectful for my family/bf etc to say the things they do. Im over it and i wouldnt mind being alone with my children. Maybe that is what will happen . Ive got alot to do today, wish me luck.
Hugs xo Diva Mommy