Well, things are still pretty bleak on my end, it really seems like i cant catch a break. Why? Im not quite sure, i mean i think i'm a pretty good person with a good heart and good intentions.. It just seems like when it rains it pours and its really been a monsoon over here. Sounds funny but i wish it was. I get so down that i really would love to just stay in bed, that is where i can escape my problems. Now i know that isn't the way to deal with them but if you have never been clinically depressed then you really have no idea. Its like "walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me" I know things could be worse, alot worse , but in my world things are pretty bad and i'm about hitting rock bottom over here. I never knew it would be so hard to find a job. Money is at an all time low and so is my mood. 
Its like no matter how hard i try i cant please anyone either. I barely have anything left to give but what i have i give freely.. My son hates school and every morning its a battle, he curses at me, slams doors, and is down right mean. says things like id rather die than go to school etc. Ive tried everthing with him and nothing is working. He is seeing our shrink again on the 27th and i guess he will have some work to do. Every day he gets home he apoligizes to me and tells me hes sorry he didnt mean it, but the hurt is already there. i love him no matter what but ive never spoken to him like that in all my life. I;ve always taught them to be respectful and i dont know how to fix this one. 
I give up.
xox
T. 

What's a diva mommy to do

I'm just tired , mentally exhausted. The past few years have really taken a toll on me   This July is 5 years that mike died, and it seems that black cloud hasn't left me. I really need a job  for money and for my sanity. I really wish I could find the perfect nursing job where I could use my brains and skills but not kill my body more than I already have by lifting etc. I have to get up to par with making the 1000 appointments I have to for the boys and I. Meanwhile taking care of everyone living in my home. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and people can say they understand but it's just no they can't until they walk in my shoes. I'd love to live somewhere and not have one worry about the rent or electric. They all just look at me when the power is out like - well did you pay the bill? What r u going to do ?  Wtf I guess I'll handle it somehow like I always do. Once I brought ALL of us to a hotel because I could afford that but I couldn't afford turning the power back on. How pathetic. But I have children. We can't just sit in the dark. God. It's always something. 

Write soon xoxo