Pouring rain

Im so tired of sitting in the pouring rain. The black cloud wont move, the rain just gets heavier and heavier and all i can seem to do is watch. Its like being frozen , crippled and screaming out to the world. Doesnt sound like such a great place to be does it?  I think my mental exhaustion is at an all time peak. Maybe not as intense as it has been before but definately a process that will not let up, not even for the moment that i blink my eyes. My dreams have finally stopped, the crazy ones that break my heart, yeah those have stopped, i almost wish they would return, make my world cloudy again.  I dont want to see things so damn clear right now. It sickens me. It all does. I say ive hardened again, have become the "Ice Princess" title i once earned.  Then those momentarily lapses of emotional shit come flooding me, hard to ignore and impossible to  fight.  A losing battle if ever ive seen one, if ever ive lived one.
Hypocrtits drive me absolutely crazy, dont you know ive been doing this for my whole life, Dont hate the player, hate the game. Its a huge mindf&ck.  When i want the logic and the clarity to appear they are no where in site. Otherwise they are tapping me on my shoulder telling me what to do.As i sit here and think, way to hard by the way, a million ideas are storming my brain.  What needs to ve done Gpd i just want to erase so many things, wipe the slate clean. I get so ungodly sickened thinking of things. Im the only one who can deal with it all anyway, but the hypocrits will have you thinking, that they are right, when they hafe NO IDEA ABOUT THE LIFE I LEAD, Like i say day in and day out, no matter who wants to have an opinion about it, i control what goes on, and no one  better forget it.