What's a diva mommy to do

I'm just tired , mentally exhausted. The past few years have really taken a toll on me   This July is 5 years that mike died, and it seems that black cloud hasn't left me. I really need a job  for money and for my sanity. I really wish I could find the perfect nursing job where I could use my brains and skills but not kill my body more than I already have by lifting etc. I have to get up to par with making the 1000 appointments I have to for the boys and I. Meanwhile taking care of everyone living in my home. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and people can say they understand but it's just no they can't until they walk in my shoes. I'd love to live somewhere and not have one worry about the rent or electric. They all just look at me when the power is out like - well did you pay the bill? What r u going to do ?  Wtf I guess I'll handle it somehow like I always do. Once I brought ALL of us to a hotel because I could afford that but I couldn't afford turning the power back on. How pathetic. But I have children. We can't just sit in the dark. God. It's always something. 

Write soon xoxo